The First and Last Thing

The first thing that happened was a squirrel bit my ankle. My boyfriend, Herman didn't believe it. He said, "You are always hurting yourself. YOu probably just scraped yourself on your bike pedal again." Its true. I do that all the time. But I really was bitten. I was coming out of the cul-de-sac early and the little fella just sorta scampered out, reached me and bit. My first thought was to call poison control, or animal control or something, but the fact was, I didn't want to sound like an idiot. Bit by a squirrel. How many people a year are bit by squirrels? Not many, I would guess. And the ones that are- I bet they are embarrassed too. So I just kept walking down to the coffee shop like I do every morning. It is almost fall, as you know, and there was a spattering of leaves on the driveways that I passed. At the coffee shop I ordered a latte and asked for a band- aid. The cute dude with the mustache that works there, he gave me a band-aid and a cute smile. It made me feel better.

When the latte was fully consumed I made my way to water my friends plants. She is on vacation with this tool she has been dating for three years, they are in Hawaii, and I have been appointed flower hydrator. The thing is, I lost her keys a few days after she left. All of her plants reside on the balcony. For more than a week, I have been trying to water her plants by throwing bowls of water at the balcony. I have figured out that if I stand almost in the street, and sort of launch the entire bowl of water, some of it hits the basil plant in the right hand corner, and the lavender plant next to it gets a fair soaking. The other plants, however, aren't looking so hot. The tomato plant is weeping, it has floppy leaves I mean. I keep hoping it will rain, and I can be let off the hook.

The last thing that happened was that Herman broke up with me. "I can't take your dumb lies anymore. Bit by a squirrel? Get a hold of yourself."